looking for something

[angeleyes]

i'm looking for a spell for confidence, its for my self and i thought u might be able to help

i have a major lack of confidence due to having been let down a lot in the past and i have just started a new relationship with a great guy and i'm still feeling kind of stressed about little things i know aint going to happen but i always have tham on my mind and i cant seam to stop being so paranoid about things going wrong
and i was wondering if there is anything i can do with out having to do a full ritual spell as i aint no where near realdy for that kind of stuff i'm still only new to all this wiccan stuff and i wouldn't have a clue where to start

i have just barley managed to meditate and i'm still learning about as much as possible

if u can help or know someone who can please let me know

thanks

[Jen]

Hello angeleyes


I do know what you mean about lacking self confidence, I get moments like this and I also get paranoid about my partner cheating on me.
I think it's the normal behaviour of someone who has had this happen to them in past relationships.

When I feel like this, I spend some time looking at the hard facts, such as when does my partner have time to cheat on me? Why would he realistically cheat on me, we have a fantastic relationship. And then I get to the stage when I start thinking sod it, if he is cheating on me then so be it, it isn't meant to be and that still leaves me the opportunity to meet someone who will treat me right, and it'll be his loss anyway!

So you can see, I really do go from one spectrum to the other.

A really good confidence booster is to sit down with a pen and piece of paper and write down all your good qualities, all the things you like about yourself. Run a bath laden with oils or bubbles and candles lit around the bathroom, have a pedicure or manicure ( do this yourself )or try some retail therapy! Treat yourself to some nice perfume or a new outfit.
You have to love yourself first before others will love you.

If you ever need to chat about your feelings, I am more than qualified in trying to help you overcome your worries.

Maybe we can help eachother

[circemoon]

Well said Hedge!

I am sorry angel eyes. We all have this problem--this is why I like to work with stones and crystals as they are so comfortable in their skins--unlike any human I've ever met. That said, there are some philosophical ways to approach this:

When you are feeling a loss of self-esteen, it is usually an ego-fear based on giving power over to someone else. In psychoanalytic terms this is called: "The Gaze (of the other)." The "they" that we fear is judging us is really only a phantom--a fiction created by our own ego. We can never truly be without ego, but we can work on it to keep it in check. The more insecure one gets, the more the ego takes hold and tries to control. This amounts to a loss of spirit. The ego and the soul are usually at odds with each other when out of balance, so I suggest that you begin by very generally analyzing what it is that you are giving your power to to make you feel that you are not worthy. Is it based in looks and appearance? Intelligence? There is obviously a comparison of some sort going on that you feel you don't measure up to. When you uncover what these things are, you have already lessened its power.

The Gaze is always, at the end of the day, only our own. We can never really know how others view us, but we construct all kinds of fictions based on this ego isolation, that, in turn, cause many issues related to a lack of confidence or, on the other hand, too much confidence. It takes a lot of time and discipline but we can un-do these gazes that we've created. Most gazes like this only offer us hindrances from our true divine light.

Many blessings are coming to you for you are a child of light and the strength that infuses the sun to keep burning, is also the strength that is YOU!

If you want, you could try carrying stones like Tiger-Eye, Sunstone, and Bloodstone for more confidence.

Good luck angeleyes! May you Realize the divine that you are, through and through, within and without!!!


cm

[Jen]

circe that is a beautiful post!

[angeleyes]

MM

i have to say yes that was a really good post but i really don't think it has anything to do with my ego because i have never Been egotistic about anything its more fear a deep fear of things going wrong because thats the way its has always happened every time i have been in a relationship or had something good happen it has always gone to hell (abuse, being let down etc) and its not something i want to happen this time i wasn't to stop the fear before it get to the point where its me and my fears that make it go wrong... i love my now fiancee with my entire being and i want this to work i just want the fears to go away....

but i will try the stones you have suggested

thanks agin

BB

[Jen]

I think that was more aimed at me angel

[jezibaba]

How do I find out what my Pagan name is? Can I switch out of Christianity to become a Pagan?

[Goth]

Can I just ask you why you think you need a Pagan name? In my opinion you don't look for it, one will find you... when, and if you are ready for it.

Yes, you can switch out of Christianity and become a Pagan, but why the rush? Why not wait until you have studied a lot more on the subject, and then decide. You may decide that it's not for you after all? It might be a good idea to study a few religions and paths before you eventually make your mind up.

What are your parent's feelings about this? Perhaps it would be better to discuss this with them

[angeleyes]

sorry hedge i thought it was for me lol

[circemoon]

The post I made was aimed at angelyes and anyone in general who has confidence issues, which includes myself, of course.
Perhaps I did not explain the ego very well. It is not the same as "egotistical" that is an ego out of balance. We all have them and the fact that I am singularized in body and name hearkens to the fact that I have an ego. Ego is latin for "I." The fact that "I" am "I" is solely dependent on an other's recognition of me as an "I". The child receives this early on--Mom stands with the child in the mirror and says. "Look Chris, that is you!!"--The child then takes the external image of himself and begins to see that as part of himself causing a "split" in identity. I am seen from the outside as such and such. . .This "mirror stage" makes the self realize that it is seen as an "I." I hope I am making sense here. We all say "I am such and such" All of us going by the term "I" is rather silly in the sense that we refer to ourselves the with the same term most of the time. You are "I", I am "I", Hedge is an "I." The whole notion of the "I" is the ego--it is different than the self which is more the singularized body and soul. "I" is the amalgam of a lot of different aspects of a self--it is used for convenience and the human way of reducing the multifarious aspects of individual identity. So this "I", in short, is the "I" that loves and also the "I" that fears love. Reading your response to the earlier post made me realize that really you do not have confidence issues. If you did, you would not be expressing your fears publicly like this!!! I think your ego is actually quite healthy as it chooses to speak its "I." An ego lacking confidence cannot speak the truth of its "I" in ways that you do.

No, your issues revolve around trust. You are quite confident in yourself, but it is others you do not place confidence in. Probably from some previous harmful experiences. All of who us who have had some nasty karma to bear with other people usually have trust issues. I am sorry to say that they really never go away. But we can lessen the power this fear has in our everyday. Sure, we all get insecure from time to time, scared we will get burned yet again--but without taking the leap into faith in the other, then no progress would be made. We are born into experience in order to experience--sometimes it involves a happy ending, sometimes not. . .At least we get the chance to experience at all!!!! In short, angeleyes, you, (like me), need to continually work on trusting others. I am sure that "magical mind" can help set your mind at ease in this area. . .Also, in light of this new insight, I have some new stones in mind for you now, along with some of the previous ones we discussed, and you will be receiving them in the post soon!!!

Many blessings,
cm

[angeleyes]

MM

well at first that was some reading and very much a strain on my poor brain..lol but after reading it it made some sence and yeah your right i have some confidence in talking to people, but i find it hard mostof the time but this was a very important thing and i needed it to stop but i know now it will never go away. but i'm determind i'm going to get it majorly lessened i cant be doing with. i dont want ALL of my bad past experiences to rule my life
and goodness there has been tons..
as for genereal confidence well thats worse but since i been with matt i noticed a big diffrence so thats getting there i can walk with my head high instead of always looking at the ground, we were talking about that last night..
and as for those gems i cant thank you enough and now cant wait for the postman(lol)

thanks again..

Blessing

Aud