Post by Goth on Sept 14, 2007 22:37:15 GMT 1
I've been reading an interesting article in one of Lissie's magazines ~ Psychologies. I thought I'd share it with you 
Many of us spend our days just racing to catch up with ourselves. Meanwhile, an ever-growing list of ways to communicate with one's nearest and dearest - emails, texts, mobile phones - seems to accelerate stress, rather than improve the quality of our relationships.
A recent poll of Psychologies readers threw up the following responses to the question "what are you missing in your life?" Almost half of the respondents said their life lacked good communication, while 35% yearned for more time off, and 20% craved more time to think.
For some, it takes a major life event to jolt them into a more balanced lifestyle.
Sometimes we feel overwhelmed, and the demands on our time and energy are less obvious than the responsibilities of work and family.
Friendship can often be a hidden energy drain. A good frienship should leave you feeling energised, but some people are needy, they want more of your time, they always go over the same problems but never seem to take any benefit from what you say. That can leave you feeling over-burdened.
Psychologist Terri Apter recommends the direct approach. She advises saying to them, "I'm not going to talk to you about your problems, as what I say never seems to make things better."
Too Much Work
Psychiatrist and specialist in stress management Christopher Massin hears complaints such as, "I've always got too much on and I need to take work home daily." But the people who complain about these things are the same people who find themselves something to do as soon as they have a minute's peace.
This ambivalence reveals a compulsion to fill our diaries, often to avoid real life, ourselves or our fears. We get in the habit of thinking that whatever makes us stressed is out of our control, that we are helpless in the face of demands - but it's not so. It is in our power to change, if not our commitments, then our attitude to them.
Being too busy too often makes us stressed and ill. If you don't slow down of your own accord, something will eventually slow you down. Balance isn't just a buzzword, it's a human essential.
The Signs:
1. You have difficulty concentrating and forget things you are supposed to do urgently.
2. You are more emotional than usual and often irritable.
3. You feel under pressure.
4. You don't enjoy leisure activities and rarely invite people over.
5. You have lost touch with what you used to be like.
The Solutions:
1. Keep control of your priorities. When we are stressed, it is common to want to carry out simple tasks you can get out of the way, and put off the more crucial but difficult ones. Ask yourself what your real priority should be. The aim is to get away from the stressful idea that you must do a certain thing ~ and decipher what is really important.
2. Don't give in to pressure. It's about taking control. You need to organise your time and priorities in ways that work for you and not give in to imposing, external influences.
3. Take responsibility for prioritising. It's a great idea to have an established list of questions that you can ask yourself, such as, "what do I need to have done before the end of today?" or "what do I need to have done before the end of the week?" While always remembering that it's never 100 per cent certain that you will achieve these things.
4. Make time to think. Take an hour to think about what's important in your life. Ask yourself "could anyone tell what my priorities are by looking at my life?" If you have a big issue looming, schedule time to think about it, otherwise it will be distracting and add to the levels of stress.
5. Try the 80-20 principle. Only 20% of what you do makes 80% of the difference. Figure out what that 20% is, that you do best and only you can do. Divide the rest of your work between things you could delegate to others, and non-essential stuff. Anything that's neither urgent, nor important, should be dropped.
Don't wait for a major crisis before stepping back and assessing your priorities.
Too Much Socialising
Sometimes we find our socialising has developed a momentum of it's own. "It's easy to get to a point where socialising simply becomes what you do when you are not working, rather than a genuine choice to reach out towards others" says Andrea perry, psychotherapist and creator of www.overcomingprocrastination.net.
We punish ourselves by comparing the seemingly glittering social lives of others, to our own, so end up habitually accepting invitations and generating our own events...just for the sake of it. If we cut down some of this, we might enjoy doing nothing, or even start to persue the interests we never had time for in the past.
The Signs:
1. There are two indicators that it's time to streamline our socialising, believes Perry: if we start resenting the time we spend with others; or if we feel bored when we go out and that we'd rather be at home.
2. "Question how you feel during a particular social exchange and how you feel afterwards," she says. "Do you come away satisfied, relaxed and happy, generating more thoughts about you and your life, the other person and the world in general?
3. Do you feel drained and used, and that repetition of the experience isn't helping you to progress?"
If the latter situation is the case, then you are neither giving or getting the best from your social interactions, and something needs to change.
The Solutions:
1. Remember your true friends want the best for you. If you cancel an engagement and your friend responds sullenly - even when you've apologised and talked it through - your friend may not have your best interests at heart. Real friends may be sad, or miss you, but they won't ever become resentful or hostile. If they do, you perhaps need to question what you are gaining from the friendship.
2. Experiment with finding out how it feels to say no. Start by saying no to a small invitation. if you start small, you'll get used to the feeling of declining offers. Wiork out how to do it gracefully, and you'll find it easier to decline larger invitations in the future.
3. Change the format. If you always see a particular friend for a big night out that leaves you feeling wiped out the next day, then next time suggest a catch-up over coffee, or a good phone call instead.
4. Don't cut people off. We don't change at the same pace as our friends, and you may find you have come to mean more to some people than they mean to you. If people tell you you're not giving them enough time, listen to their frustration and hurt with empathy. Don't abandon your resolve, but make sure the other person feels heard and respected.
5. Never lie when turning down an invitation, or cancelling something that you've agreed to. rather thn simply not appearing at social events and feeling subsequently embarrassed, say something like: "I'd love to see you, but I'm desperately trying not to go out at the moment, so could we postpone for a few weeks?"
When you're offered an invitation in person or over the phone, generate some breathing space by asking if you can check your diary first.
6. Book quiet time in your diary and commit to it. Decide that you won't accept invitations for a week and see how you feel once the week is over. You may want to extend the trial, or limit social events to once or twice a week for the next month.
Too Much Shopping
Who hasn't gone on a spending spree to cheer themselves up? Everything incites us to spend, and it's difficult to resist the temptation to impulse-buy if you are feeling emotional. we are all at risk from giving into consumerism - and all the guilt, regret and financial difficulty that can go with it. How can you tell if your shopping habits are out of control?
The Signs:
1. You don't feel right unless you have bought something everyday, and it becomes a high that you're constantly chasing.
2. Your fear of missing out on a bargain adds a sense of urgency: you must buy before it's too late. That's why you expect so much from your purchases.
3. You imagine that the new bag/dress/table you have just bought will change your life, and that others will see you differently because of it. These beliefs do not reflect reality however, and show that you are trying to fill a void by buying things, and you lack confidence and self esteem.
The Solutions:
1. Think before you buy. Practise 'no shopping' periods: tell yourself that you can go back in three days and see if you still really want the item.
2. Try to distinguish between the things you really need and the things you want.
3. Spend a couple of moments thinking before you buy: you might want the item, but what use is it going to be?
4. Identify how you're feeling. Ask yourself how you will feel when you get to the checkout. use specific words to describe what you feel. Is it excitement? Intense pleasure? Relief? Fulfilment? Pride? Strength?
5. Find other activities to do. You need to find pursuits suited to your personality type that can replace the urge to go shopping.
6. If you suffer from anxiety, do something calming, such as exploring spirituality, or reading. If you like adventure, learn a new sport.
7. Boost your self-esteem. If you are lacking in confidence, you could try looking after your body: do some exercise or have a massage. Or you might benefit from focusing on your successes, and finding something to admire about yourself, aside from the material things you have aquired.
Too Much Clutter:
"Our home is an extension of ourselves. If we lack space, or lose control of our environment, it means that our wellbeing has taken a knock" says Cyrille Fremont ~ a de-cluttering and feng shui practitioner.
Is your home unmanageably full of stuff?
The Signs:
1. You are always looking for your keys, your bag or your mobile/cellphone. You don't even know where to put them, and you say it's because you need some extra shelves.
2. The cupboards and wardrobes are full to bursting. As a consequence, you don't feel at ease where you live.
The Solutions:
1. Sort through your clutter. This is the key to getting the best out of your space. Figure out what is useful, and get rid of anything you genuinely don't use.
"The problem is that we get emotionally attached to objects in our home" says Fremont. Many people find it difficult to throw things away because they feel they would be throwing away a part of themselves, a part of their history, or someone's memory. Whether it's a piece of clothing, or a jar from the spice rack, ask yourself, "when was the last time I used this?" if it was more than a year ago, then it has to go.
2. What does the object represent? "Why have I kept this tablecloth I never use? What does it remind me of? Do I keep it, because if I throw it out, I fear I will be letting go of a memory?"
An object is only an object, and can only aquire 'meaning', if we project it.
3. Ask someone else to help if you find it impossible to go through your things and throw away items. Someone else could help you by looking at the clutter objectively, and diffusing the emotions the posessions throw up.
4. Give away as much as you can. Whether you give to charity, or to friends and neighbours, being generous is a good way to stem the feeling of loss because it turns into a positive emotion.
5. Don't leave anything aside for later. Once you have had a clear-out, get into good habits and sort through your things more regularly. For example, when your post arrives, throw out the junk straight away and deal with bills.
~ Psychologies Magazine
Many of us spend our days just racing to catch up with ourselves. Meanwhile, an ever-growing list of ways to communicate with one's nearest and dearest - emails, texts, mobile phones - seems to accelerate stress, rather than improve the quality of our relationships.
A recent poll of Psychologies readers threw up the following responses to the question "what are you missing in your life?" Almost half of the respondents said their life lacked good communication, while 35% yearned for more time off, and 20% craved more time to think.
For some, it takes a major life event to jolt them into a more balanced lifestyle.
Sometimes we feel overwhelmed, and the demands on our time and energy are less obvious than the responsibilities of work and family.
Friendship can often be a hidden energy drain. A good frienship should leave you feeling energised, but some people are needy, they want more of your time, they always go over the same problems but never seem to take any benefit from what you say. That can leave you feeling over-burdened.
Psychologist Terri Apter recommends the direct approach. She advises saying to them, "I'm not going to talk to you about your problems, as what I say never seems to make things better."
Too Much Work
Psychiatrist and specialist in stress management Christopher Massin hears complaints such as, "I've always got too much on and I need to take work home daily." But the people who complain about these things are the same people who find themselves something to do as soon as they have a minute's peace.
This ambivalence reveals a compulsion to fill our diaries, often to avoid real life, ourselves or our fears. We get in the habit of thinking that whatever makes us stressed is out of our control, that we are helpless in the face of demands - but it's not so. It is in our power to change, if not our commitments, then our attitude to them.
Being too busy too often makes us stressed and ill. If you don't slow down of your own accord, something will eventually slow you down. Balance isn't just a buzzword, it's a human essential.
The Signs:
1. You have difficulty concentrating and forget things you are supposed to do urgently.
2. You are more emotional than usual and often irritable.
3. You feel under pressure.
4. You don't enjoy leisure activities and rarely invite people over.
5. You have lost touch with what you used to be like.
The Solutions:
1. Keep control of your priorities. When we are stressed, it is common to want to carry out simple tasks you can get out of the way, and put off the more crucial but difficult ones. Ask yourself what your real priority should be. The aim is to get away from the stressful idea that you must do a certain thing ~ and decipher what is really important.
2. Don't give in to pressure. It's about taking control. You need to organise your time and priorities in ways that work for you and not give in to imposing, external influences.
3. Take responsibility for prioritising. It's a great idea to have an established list of questions that you can ask yourself, such as, "what do I need to have done before the end of today?" or "what do I need to have done before the end of the week?" While always remembering that it's never 100 per cent certain that you will achieve these things.
4. Make time to think. Take an hour to think about what's important in your life. Ask yourself "could anyone tell what my priorities are by looking at my life?" If you have a big issue looming, schedule time to think about it, otherwise it will be distracting and add to the levels of stress.
5. Try the 80-20 principle. Only 20% of what you do makes 80% of the difference. Figure out what that 20% is, that you do best and only you can do. Divide the rest of your work between things you could delegate to others, and non-essential stuff. Anything that's neither urgent, nor important, should be dropped.
Don't wait for a major crisis before stepping back and assessing your priorities.
Too Much Socialising
Sometimes we find our socialising has developed a momentum of it's own. "It's easy to get to a point where socialising simply becomes what you do when you are not working, rather than a genuine choice to reach out towards others" says Andrea perry, psychotherapist and creator of www.overcomingprocrastination.net.
We punish ourselves by comparing the seemingly glittering social lives of others, to our own, so end up habitually accepting invitations and generating our own events...just for the sake of it. If we cut down some of this, we might enjoy doing nothing, or even start to persue the interests we never had time for in the past.
The Signs:
1. There are two indicators that it's time to streamline our socialising, believes Perry: if we start resenting the time we spend with others; or if we feel bored when we go out and that we'd rather be at home.
2. "Question how you feel during a particular social exchange and how you feel afterwards," she says. "Do you come away satisfied, relaxed and happy, generating more thoughts about you and your life, the other person and the world in general?
3. Do you feel drained and used, and that repetition of the experience isn't helping you to progress?"
If the latter situation is the case, then you are neither giving or getting the best from your social interactions, and something needs to change.
The Solutions:
1. Remember your true friends want the best for you. If you cancel an engagement and your friend responds sullenly - even when you've apologised and talked it through - your friend may not have your best interests at heart. Real friends may be sad, or miss you, but they won't ever become resentful or hostile. If they do, you perhaps need to question what you are gaining from the friendship.
2. Experiment with finding out how it feels to say no. Start by saying no to a small invitation. if you start small, you'll get used to the feeling of declining offers. Wiork out how to do it gracefully, and you'll find it easier to decline larger invitations in the future.
3. Change the format. If you always see a particular friend for a big night out that leaves you feeling wiped out the next day, then next time suggest a catch-up over coffee, or a good phone call instead.
4. Don't cut people off. We don't change at the same pace as our friends, and you may find you have come to mean more to some people than they mean to you. If people tell you you're not giving them enough time, listen to their frustration and hurt with empathy. Don't abandon your resolve, but make sure the other person feels heard and respected.
5. Never lie when turning down an invitation, or cancelling something that you've agreed to. rather thn simply not appearing at social events and feeling subsequently embarrassed, say something like: "I'd love to see you, but I'm desperately trying not to go out at the moment, so could we postpone for a few weeks?"
When you're offered an invitation in person or over the phone, generate some breathing space by asking if you can check your diary first.
6. Book quiet time in your diary and commit to it. Decide that you won't accept invitations for a week and see how you feel once the week is over. You may want to extend the trial, or limit social events to once or twice a week for the next month.
Too Much Shopping
Who hasn't gone on a spending spree to cheer themselves up? Everything incites us to spend, and it's difficult to resist the temptation to impulse-buy if you are feeling emotional. we are all at risk from giving into consumerism - and all the guilt, regret and financial difficulty that can go with it. How can you tell if your shopping habits are out of control?
The Signs:
1. You don't feel right unless you have bought something everyday, and it becomes a high that you're constantly chasing.
2. Your fear of missing out on a bargain adds a sense of urgency: you must buy before it's too late. That's why you expect so much from your purchases.
3. You imagine that the new bag/dress/table you have just bought will change your life, and that others will see you differently because of it. These beliefs do not reflect reality however, and show that you are trying to fill a void by buying things, and you lack confidence and self esteem.
The Solutions:
1. Think before you buy. Practise 'no shopping' periods: tell yourself that you can go back in three days and see if you still really want the item.
2. Try to distinguish between the things you really need and the things you want.
3. Spend a couple of moments thinking before you buy: you might want the item, but what use is it going to be?
4. Identify how you're feeling. Ask yourself how you will feel when you get to the checkout. use specific words to describe what you feel. Is it excitement? Intense pleasure? Relief? Fulfilment? Pride? Strength?
5. Find other activities to do. You need to find pursuits suited to your personality type that can replace the urge to go shopping.
6. If you suffer from anxiety, do something calming, such as exploring spirituality, or reading. If you like adventure, learn a new sport.
7. Boost your self-esteem. If you are lacking in confidence, you could try looking after your body: do some exercise or have a massage. Or you might benefit from focusing on your successes, and finding something to admire about yourself, aside from the material things you have aquired.
Too Much Clutter:
"Our home is an extension of ourselves. If we lack space, or lose control of our environment, it means that our wellbeing has taken a knock" says Cyrille Fremont ~ a de-cluttering and feng shui practitioner.
Is your home unmanageably full of stuff?
The Signs:
1. You are always looking for your keys, your bag or your mobile/cellphone. You don't even know where to put them, and you say it's because you need some extra shelves.
2. The cupboards and wardrobes are full to bursting. As a consequence, you don't feel at ease where you live.
The Solutions:
1. Sort through your clutter. This is the key to getting the best out of your space. Figure out what is useful, and get rid of anything you genuinely don't use.
"The problem is that we get emotionally attached to objects in our home" says Fremont. Many people find it difficult to throw things away because they feel they would be throwing away a part of themselves, a part of their history, or someone's memory. Whether it's a piece of clothing, or a jar from the spice rack, ask yourself, "when was the last time I used this?" if it was more than a year ago, then it has to go.
2. What does the object represent? "Why have I kept this tablecloth I never use? What does it remind me of? Do I keep it, because if I throw it out, I fear I will be letting go of a memory?"
An object is only an object, and can only aquire 'meaning', if we project it.
3. Ask someone else to help if you find it impossible to go through your things and throw away items. Someone else could help you by looking at the clutter objectively, and diffusing the emotions the posessions throw up.
4. Give away as much as you can. Whether you give to charity, or to friends and neighbours, being generous is a good way to stem the feeling of loss because it turns into a positive emotion.
5. Don't leave anything aside for later. Once you have had a clear-out, get into good habits and sort through your things more regularly. For example, when your post arrives, throw out the junk straight away and deal with bills.
~ Psychologies Magazine
